Top Funny Status and Quotes – Laugh out Louder Funny Quotes
Feeling bored? Don’t worry, we came up with a really cool stuff that can put smile on your face. Check out our list of top funny status and quotes that can bring smile to your face and you can even spread that smile to your loved one’s face too. There are many options you can choose from like Facebook, WhatsApp, Instagram and many other ways to share this cool and funny thing with your friends and family. Anyone can place these top funny status and quotes as WhatsApp Status Images and text statuses as well. You can share these laugh out louder funny quotes and cool sayings with your friends, family and other specific contacts.
Top Funny Status and QuotesPeople who live in glass houses, should not throw stones on others. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure. If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three. Life is short, smile while you still have teeth. Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too.
Sorry for the mean, awful, accurate things I said. I am not lazy, I am on energy saving mode. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you’re done. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.
Your life can’t fall apart if you never had it together I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you. Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else. A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day. I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised. One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody’s listening.
Laugh out Louder Funny Quotes and Status
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over. The answer you’re looking for is inside of you, but it’s wrong. An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough. I’m so good at sleeping. I can do it with my eyes closed. Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away. A woman walks into a library and asked if they had any books about paranoia. The librarian says “They’re right behind you!” My boss told me to have a good day.. so I went home. Why do blind people hate skydiving? It scares the hell out of their dogs. What do you call a guy with a rubber toe? Roberto.
My friend says to me: “What rhymes with orange” I said: “No it doesn’t” When you look really closely, all mirrors look like eyeballs. The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me. I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me. My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old? Aye matey. I ate a clock yesterday, it was very time consuming. A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair. Did you hear about the italian chef that died? He pasta way. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up? Because it was two tired.
Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet. My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort. Where do you find a cow with no legs? Right where you left it. I know a lot of jokes about unemployed people but none of them work. As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden. The plot thickens.
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the physco path. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot. Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn’t see that well. When a deaf person sees someone yawn do they think it’s a scream? What did the traffic light say to the car? Don’t look! I’m about to change.
And the lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life”. John came fifth and won a toaster. What did one hat say to the other? You stay here. I’ll go on ahead. I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do *not* read it! Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his treasure? Because he was a little shellfish.
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